Saturday, 6 November 2010


Ever since i now more have a lot free time and it because have to take some break to figure out what i want to do, be and need and now it November with which can consider as my stresses month in this year. for the past two week staying in home and i figure out that,my day only withe two thing, sleeping and eat!!! and it always keep repeating the same thing with my days. and i can figure out what i want, what i need, what i need the most in my lifetime and i just stuck with this kind of situation confused, emotional, darkness,helpless and for sure INSOMNIA(CANT SLEEP HABITS)!!!!
I just don't known how to keep going with my life, i just lost the direction to be what i want to be it. and i feel like i didn't belong to this world when i did feel it this way. and sometimes i do cant feel my HEART and sometimes i just could wish it can stop a while or the moments but I know for sure is if my HEART stop a while then there is no way to get it LIVE again.
Keep remind my self that i shouldn't live this way and i shouldn't live tis kind of answer for the question that MAYBE i cant find the RIGHT answer for MYSELF.
Even i can get the things in the exactly way to keep it still same but still there always something that people cant forget what we done and we did. and it always going to stick with people memories,
No matter how much you could erase it there still impact left behind.

In my childhood days i have been through my life as my kid that, always have my parents beside me, hold my hands tight and let me see the world that was really AMAZING TO ME. i really the lucky girl in this world that born as my parents first kids in they life. **I guess maybe i the best thing happen in there life...hihihih:))
Seeing me grow up now as WOMAN now, they must be really proud now.* i guess so...:)) BUT there always WORRIES issues between us as are KIDS AND PARENTS. and them will never stop to keep worry us until the end of our life. b'cus WE ARE THEM kind, Children, AND this going to be forever RELATIONSHIP between CHILDREN and PARENT.
AS i grow up, i can see my self now, and the past of my 20 years back then and i really get through my life in a long journey now and i should t never think TO STOP IT ANYWHERE.
Along the journey of my life, I DO experience sometimes that really give me a big IMPACTS TO MY LIFE and i really cant change it or erase it from my life as much i growing up with these feeling, these situation, these memories with me and i feel it like i have to stick it for forever. seeing much what have happen in my entire life, seeing too much these pain memories back in now, feel again the pain over and over again, hurt over and over again, broken heart over and over again. sick and tired to repeat it again cus it just hurtful and getting sick and getting over with this kind of situation. dunno how to get out from it,., dunno how to help it and dunno how to deal with it.
Leave with a lot question mark in my life, wish to get through that WALL, but there always a reason for me that i cant do it with my self to break it down the wall and go by my self to do what i want the most. b' cus i have a responsibility for my siblings here and i cant be a selfish with all the decision i have been made it. i always believe that EVERYTHING HAPPEN THERE ALWAYS A REASON FOR IT AND WE JUST HAVE TO ACCEPT WHAT HAVE ALREADY MADE. AND we have to MOVE on with life that we should carry on.


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